Kiko's Annunciation

Kiko's Annunciation
Kiko the plagiarist

Monday, January 9, 2023

Thoughts on Abraham


Kiko's exegesis on Abraham is perhaps one of the most egregious and insidious of all the teachings introduced during the Neocatechumenal Way's introductory catechesis. It can be found on pages 225-243 of his catechetical guide (Volume 1, approved English edition). The Thoughtful Catholic presents a terrific analysis of this teaching, quoting liberally from both Kiko and Sacred Scripture. Our aim here is to present something a little different.

February 24, 2022. That was the night a friend of mine and I attended Night 12 (Abraham night) of the initial catechesis. I took notes the entire time. While I don't remotely have the skills of a court stenographer, I did my best to get exact quotes or close paraphrases as much as possible. After getting home, I assembled these notes into a more organized form, and, after a little research, contributed some commentary. All of this was done so as to have a first-hand record of what is really said and done during these "catechetical sessions."

What follows below is a sampling of my notes with my added commentary. I've also interspersed some additional "looking back" comments, as well.


This might be the worst one so far, at least from my perspective. If you've ever read the Bible, studied the Bible, prayed with the Bible, held a Bible, looked at a Bible... this is gonna get rough.

All about Abraham tonight. Here we go:

--"We're not here to give you more biblical knowledge. That's not what this is about." [Can't give what you don't have, right?]

--"The Bible is just a book - we're going to give you a taste of what the Bible is, how it affects your life."

--While recounting the story of the Tower of Babel: "it's in Genesis 6, 11, or something." [It's Genesis 11. So you're barely biblically literate, as you've all proven time and time again, but please, teach me all about Abraham.]

--"God says, 'I will never let man die again' in his covenant with Noah." [Well, that's a bit of a stretch. God says in Genesis 8:21, "Neither will I ever again destroy every living creature as I have done." Pretty explicit--moreso even in Genesis 9:11- that He's not going to send another world-annihilating flood. Men will certainly continue to die in other ways--Noah included!]

--"Maybe you studied Abraham a bit for your first communion or something." [The catechists' utter disregard for their audience's religious education is on full display. They're banking on your ignorance so they can get away with what they're about to tell you and not be instantly IDed for the frauds they are. Neocats are famous for sneering at anyone (like me) who "studies theology"--probably because we can see right through the BS.]

--"Abraham was a polytheist. Name a god, and he prayed to it."

--"Abraham's life was only about two things: having land and having a son."

--"Abraham was a failure his entire life. God picked a failure."

--"God mocked Abraham's gods because they didn't give Abraham what he wanted."

--"Abraham was suffering so much that he begged God for a promise, a guarantee that he would come through for him. So God passed between the halves of animals as a pillar of fire." [A pillar of fire? Really? Genesis 15:17 says "a smoking pot and a flaming torch." Sure you're not mixed up with the Exodus story? It's really painful how badly they butcher all this...]

--"God tells Abraham he doesn't have to do anything. It's all God's initiative."

--"After many years, Abraham doubts God and starts thinking for himself again, using his own reason." [Thinking for yourself and using reason are bad things, you see.] "And he decides he should sleep with his wife's servant." [Even though Genesis 16 clearly says it was all completely Sarah's idea.]

--"Because Hagar gives him a son, the one thing in life he always wanted, he starts to prefer Hagar to Sarah, and Sarah resents this, so she gives Abraham an ultimatum." [What? Hagar got uppity with Sarah because she conceived immediately, whereas Sarah was barren. Sarah resented how her prideful and unrepentant servant treated her with such disdain, and she blames Abraham for putting her in that position--even though it was her idea in the first place. She also didn't give any ultimatum--it was never an "it's her or me" situation. She invokes the Lord to judge between her and her husband, not her husband to judge between her and her servant.]

It is interesting to note here that Abraham is not yet Abraham when all of this is happening. He's still Abram, and Sarah is still Sarai. But the catechists make no such distinction. In fact, they don't talk about the name change, or the significance of that event at all. For all they seem to care, he was Abraham from Ur until his dying day.

--"Abraham goes to Egypt without relying on God. He tells Pharaoh that Sarah is his sister and gets into a bigger mess." [Now we're chronologically out of order. We were just in Genesis 16, but now we're skipping back to Chapter 12.]

--"God is going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, but he comes to Abraham in the form of three young men to ask for his advice, just as a friend would." [No, no, no. The three young men by the Oak of Mamre are there to tell Abraham that God will still fulfill his promise through Sarah. Abraham afterward accompanies them in the direction of Sodom, and God (through the young men or otherwise, Genesis doesn't specify) decides to tell him what he's going to do to Sodom. Then, after the young men leave, Abraham pleads for the righteous. At no point is God asking for advice, and by the time Abraham is interceding, the men have definitively left.]

--"Abraham begins to idolize his son [Isaac] and forget God, so God wants to free him and so asks for his [Isaac's] sacrifice."

--"Abraham is you and me. If you don't see yourself in this word, then this word is judging you, telling you to convert." [Accept our interpretation or else.]

--"This is not a class about learning the Bible." [Clearly. And you all should go take one.]

--"Abraham interprets your life."

--"Abraham is not a word that means whatever you want. The Church interprets it for you." [I agree wholeheartedly. And I can assure you, the Catholic Church has never taught what you are all presently teaching about Abraham. And you're right, it doesn't mean whatever you want. You Neocats included. But all you're really doing here is saying, "we're right, you're wrong, shut up." You have no pretensions of loyalty to magisterial teaching.]

--"Abraham is a word meaning faith. The Catechism doesn't define faith, but tells you to look at the example of Abraham and Mary." [Nope, pretty sure the Catechism does define faith (for example, CCC 150). In fact, CCC 142-184 is all about faith. And yes, Abraham and Mary are mentioned as models of faith (144-149), so congratulations, your first lip-service mention of the Catechism in 12 sessions manages to get something right.]

--"Faith is not believing God exists. Faith is not going to church. Faith is not observing your religious practices." [You quote the Catechism on faith, and then you say faith isn't believing in God, which is something the Catechism absolutely says--numerous times--in pretty much the exact same spot you were just referencing!]

--"Muslims pray more than we do. Praying doesn't give you more faith."

--"We find Abraham in Genesis 12 totally destroyed and depressed and on the edge of suicide." [Please, read Genesis 12 right now. It's not long. I'll wait. You haven't quoted a single passage from Genesis all night, you've just been paraphrasing. But you open up it up and you tell me the exact verse where it says or even implies any of that, you filthy liar.]

A couple weeks after this session, I would confront the catechist--the parish pastor!--who made this ridiculous claim. I asked him to show me precisely where in Genesis 12 Abraham was depressed and suicidal. I even offered him the Bible app on my phone, in case he didn't have a Bible handy. "No," Father said, "you need to understand the whole of Scripture, not just in isolation. You see it in St. Paul." I didn't ask about St. Paul. I said, where in Genesis 12, which you specifically referenced. "Because St. Paul says..." OK, Father, please show me where St. Paul said Abraham was suicidal. "He says Abraham was freed from death." Yes, because he was an old man, death was likely quite prominent in his mind. Please show me where St. Paul says he was depressed and suicidal, though. "Because he was in his death..." And so on, making much to do about the comprehensiveness of Scripture. Bottom line: when directly confronted, they have absolutely zero proof, even though they make it sound so obvious.

--"The Lord appears in your failure. The Lord is not blind to your situation, but maybe you are."

--"Abraham names his son Isaac, meaning laughter, because of the joy God gave him." [Nope. The name comes from Sarah's laughter when she first heard that she was going to conceive in her old age. See Genesis 18:11-15 and Genesis 21:6-7. This isn't hard.]

--"We have a religious mentality, which always says that God has to serve me. You don't ever sacrifice yourself: we want a flat, bourgeois Christianity and we forget what God has done for us."

--Father reads liberally from Romans 4, where Paul speaks of Abraham. No problem cracking open that Bible now. Where was it while you were butchering the actual story of Abraham, you phonies? [Still no depressed, suicidal patriarchs in Romans, either, by the way.]

--"You don't need faith to receive sacraments. Lots of people with no faith receive sacraments." [Well, that's quite the logical fallacy. "Lots of faithless people present themselves for sacraments, ergo you clearly don't need faith to receive sacraments." Why are the faithless ones setting the bar here?]

Since Father was reading so nicely from Romans, I almost felt compelled to suggest another passage from that letter for him to read:

I appeal to you, brethren, to take note of those who create dissensions and difficulties, in opposition to the doctrine which you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetities, and by their fair and flattering words they deceive the hearts of the simple-minded. (Romans 16:17-18)

My friend remarked that the catechists did make a very correct observation in pointing out that the New Testament is a fulfillment of the Old and cannot be properly understood without it. Was I teaching this catechesis, I might have included a reference to CCC 129 on this point. I might have also launched into a discussion of the prefigurement of Christ's sacrifice and crucifixion in Abraham's offering of Isaac. I might have used this as an opening to talk about biblical typology in general, which is a fantastic interpretive tool that can help apply biblical stories to your life. But I wasn't. And they didn't.


So concludes my notes and commentary on Night 12 of the initial catechesis. Obviously, my emotions were quite raw in the moment, and I still get a little agitated thinking about it, even almost a year later.

Hopefully reading these "moment in time" reflections can give you a clearer window into just what is being taught to unsuspecting Catholics and other curious listeners when the Neos come to town.

I close with a short prayer that I felt the need to compose, inspired by Romans 4, after leaving that session:

Father Abraham,
You believed, hoping against hope, that you would become the father of many nations.
You did not weaken in faith when you considered your own body as already dead.
Empowered by faith, you gave glory to God.
You rejoiced and were glad to see the day of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
I ask you today to intercede for those who have gone astray in their own faith, maligning your name and your holy example to suit their own twisted purposes.
Bring them before Christ, our Lord, and His Most Blessed Mother, the perfect embodiment of the obedience of faith.
Intercede for their forgiveness and restoration as you once interced for the righteous men of Sodom.
I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, the same Lord and Savior, God forever and ever.
Amen.

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